Surprising things happen sometimes when you step on the
scale. When you "feel" like you've gained weight but the scale then tells you that you've lost 2 pounds! Total weight released 7 pounds, woo hoo! A
weight loss during Christmas week with a bit of overindulgence was a surprise.
I am still stuffing my feelings with a bit too much food. I'm dealing with
things one moment at a time and I am not giving myself a hard time or allowing
feelings of guilt. Self-love and encouragement are a part of my practice that I
continually come back around to and refocus on.
There have been many times over the years when I
"felt" like I gained weight; I was convinced of it. This feeling is
usually melancholy related, just generally feeling blue either from
relationships or work not going quite how I expected and then my body image
changing based on feelings that I am having. It's a work in progress some weeks
I am on top of the world and I feel skinnier. Some of my "skinny
feeling" weeks have shown a gain. It’s all perception. I continue working
on me and not overthinking or anticipating things, control is mostly an
illusion.
Issues of body image and self-confidence vs truth and
reality. Not getting caught up in societal pressures of one size or shape fits
all. I am working on breaking out of that mentality and remembering the truth
and importance of real beauty. The energy that comes from a beautiful person
how they make you feel and see things differently. It's not based on size or
shape. The gorgeous energy and love that flows from people is just that and the
package does not matter. Our health matters and that would be a good reason to
eat a cleaner diet and get more physical activity.
I've taken 15 hot yoga classes in 24 days, plus been to 5
tango events. This is the most physically active month I've had in about 20
years. It is my intention to make a minimum of 3 yoga classes per week. I am
still sad to be missing my favorite yoga studio, but I am happy that I chose
somewhere to go. It was time to let go of the perfect idea of where to workout.
Being stuck like that was holding me back. I was waiting for all circumstances
to be ideal. It’s a bit of that magical thinking “if only it were like this
then it would all fall into place”. Instead, work with what you’ve got and see
the progress unfold that’s the real magic. Work through the stress, the tears
and doubts and just go for it. Before you know a month will have gone by and
you’ll be closer to reaching your goals. Heck just signing up and consistently
showing up for a month was a huge goal maker for me.
Yoga is definitely
helping, I've built muscle and feel stronger both mentally and physically. I
have a place to get my stress out and leave it. I imagine the stress melting
and permanently dissolving away. My arms and shoulders are stronger there are a
lot of planks and downward facing dog salutations in the classes that I am
taking. I can actually get into plank and feel strong and comfortable and do a
push up or two. This is big for me, as my upper body has been so weak for so
many years that I could barely manage a modified push up. I feel my muscles
changing, tearing down and building up, it's exhausting but at the same time
energizing and exciting. I've definitely have larger muscles in some areas
while trimming down in other areas. I have less pain and inflammation in my
joints, my eyes are more clear and bright and less baggy. The end of February
will be approximately 3 months of consistent exercise and I am excited to see
what the results will be by that time.
In the perception verses reality realm, I have also learned
to look at myself in the mirror and in photographs and just love and accept me
for exactly what I look like. This is a practice that must continue, as self-love
leads you to reaching your other goals. It helps lessen self-sabotage and gets
you out of your own way. Just keep showing up for you and be gentle with
yourself, take it one moment at a time. Forgive yourself for slipups and let it
go. Every minute is a chance to start fresh. <3 xo
